I received the call in the middle of the night...that Mike had had a heart attack .It was unbelievable, but I had been here before...when I was 16 I received a call about my father having a heart attack. I went into automatic. I knew the drill. The trip to the airport- although this time my beautiful friend Susan Picking got me a buddy pass somehow miraculously...i was on the plane within three hours. The last hour before landing was agony...You see when my father had this same kind of heart attack, there was not such a thing as a stent. When I got off the plane at 16, my father had died. Thank God Mike had not. Two days later a dear friend, and housemate, Tony T., also had a heart attack. What a shock. What was going on??? Another one??? But again, medical science was right there...Tony is recovering and so is Mike.
I am aware of the metaphysical ideas about heart attacks.. Louise Hay says that it has to do with squeezing out the joy...It has been a hard year...for me and for those who love me. I do not think I am the cause of these attacks on the hearts of my loved ones, but I do not think I am not a part of the scenario either. We "hold" things for one another.
It is funny, but these moments of potential loss are actually loss in themselves... of a kind of" idea of normal"...Everything has changed. I see the world and its' lessons from the perspective of deep time.
I am not sure where this leaves me, but I do know that I will never be the same again.I literally had to go to the heart doctor myself to make sure I was ok! Because if the truth be told, my heart is broken too.
The losses of the last month- can it only be that short a time??-are surrounded by shoots of green coming up through a winter ground. Did I plant these seeds? Or maybe they were bulbs? just waiting for the right conditions to spring forth? I am in awe of the life God has chosen for me...
I will to will Thy will.
Looking forward to seeing the SANCTUARY NYC crowd tomorrow at West Park Presbyterian at 86th and Amsterdam at 2 pm.